How to win friends and influence people?


In modern time the most important topic is how to make good relations with people because with passage of time our needs are getting change weather we talk about personal need or we talk about social needs. Standards and demands of people are not the same as before .why this is happening? Answer is very simple but clear, every person wants importance and wants others listen them because everyone is hero or heroine of the picture of his or her story and he or she never wants or sees other person to play main character in their stories.

With the passage of time people are leaning to just move around their selves and at the same time they want to impress others and also to influence others. But the question is how it can be possible to win friends and make them part of our journey? We can easily do it just removing the thoughts of what we want from others and what are our demands.


1-Fundamental techniques in handling people

2-6 Way to make people like you

3-How to win people to your way of thinking?

4-How to change people

Before explaining the above concepts I want to focus on some easy points which can help us to build strong connections.

Try to become a connector detector

Do focus on the needs, interests, concerns and expectations of other persons. And keep in mind don’t try to become interesting kindly try to be interested first of all click the connector and then repeat the connector, you have to connect the feeling level and don’t convince others do it by your heart.


 R stands for Recreation A stands for Aspiration P stands for Profession and 2nd P stands for Problem. You have to do this RAPP analysis of other person by talking on these concepts .EMPTHY works better than SYMPTHY.  N stands for Need I stands for Interests C stands for Concern and E stands for Expectations. This is the very powerful analysis to influence people because people love to talk about themselves.


Extreme emotions always remain in mind for example THE MOST MEOMRABLE EVENT in your life have special places in your mind and you remember what you did on that day or that particular moment but you never remember what you had done before that excited day and very next day to that excited day so those moments leaves marks in your life so make remarkable moments for others so they will stay in your life longer, involving in the people is better strategy then informing them.So now we will move towards next steps.


1-Fundamental techniques in handling people

Don’t criticize and complaint the people because if you try to feel them bad they will never forget it. For example during any event we say to kids  go from here and play with other kids you are not at that age where you can sit here  without realizing it will  leave bad impression on them. Put yourself in other person place   because don’t care what you want people care what they want. DO ACT NOT REACT.

Give honest and sincere appreciation to others and when you meet others think they are superior to you and you have to listen what they are saying instead of you speak and they listen try to find good things in others and learn those good things from others, ignore the dark and bad sides of others because if you only think about their bad habits and things you will not able to make good relations with them.

A good communication is in which you speak only 15% AND OTHER Person speaks 85%.keep in mind you can never win an argument  and 8  out 10 people try to win argument and if they win they don’t win in real because  due to this other person feels inferior and your main aim should not that others feel down.   IF YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN PEOPLE BY GIVING YOUR EXAMPLE THEN YOU ARE WRONG BECAUSE EXAMPLE IS ONLY THE THING,

Never tells other person that he is wrong because may be according to him or her you are wrong in that particular situation both of you have no any mistake and both of you may be right reason is both of you have two different personalities and two different perceptions and you behave according to your perception and other person behave like what he perceive.

Asking questions then giving orders is better techniques because it will eliminate your bossy element and others person suggestion will also be the part of your work. Some people demands it make others feel less important and if you question for anything or any task which you want it will makes others interested

2-6 Ways to make people like you

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people, than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you,,

1-Try to be continuously interested in other people but it should be from your heart not to show off.  There are lot of people who are not interested in others and not want to listen others talks interestingly but the pretend they are seriously doing that’s wrong. Don’t do that.

2-Remember the Name of others it leaves good impression on others because it makes them feel that you are valuable for them that’s why you remember their name .Suppose you are meeting with the person 2nd time and you call him or her with name the other person will feel special and thinks such a nice person you are because you remember only name of that particular person.

3-Talks in terms of his or her interest because everyone wants that someone listen him or her. There are lot of people who only speak and not listen and there is one out of ten who listen others and who listen can influence people better than those who only speaks to impress others.

4- Make other person feel important and when you do this it will definitely attract them towards yourself because everyone want to be important and want  there should be someone for whom he or she is having different value than others.

5-Never Argument with someone on politics and religion because these two topics are very controversial and everyone has different opinions about it.

6- If you want other people like you, you should try to like them first.


3-How to win people to your way of Thinking?

Own your mistakes and don’t defend yourself this is the simple formula to attract the person which you want to influence .It is important that you show the respect to other person opinion because it will respect of your opinion in his heart. In easy words it’s a very simple technique that what you want try to distribute that thing if you want someone  love you  try to love that person , if you want someone care for you try to care that person and if you want some to influence then try to listen that person. Always begin the conversation in very friendly way .

And don’t demand respect because the boss demands respect and leaders commands respect and if you try to be the boss then ready for bye-bye because not everyone likes their boss due to this habit. Be sincere with the other person idea and interest and appeal to their nobler motives and talk about his or her capabilities, abilities, competitions, and skills because everyone has some extraordinary skills but not able to find that person who adores their skills and believe in them. The truth that now people are always in search of those who make them feel special and believe in their skills.

Let’s take an example once there is a man who loves to learn English so every time he try to speak in English but when his wife listen him, she said you can’t do this and it makes him feel sad and then at the same time his son says no father you are doing great and only this sentence generate new energy and enthusiasm in him and day come when he can speak very well just because of his son small sentence. We don’t bother others and thinks if we criticize them they will be better but it work only  one or two times that’s it because a hand of pulling  is worse in comparison of hand of pushing  in this situation.

Sometime when people tells you their sad stories because they think you are perfect once to whom they have to share their problems and in reply you pass some negative remarks towards them then it hurts  . So what you should do at that time? You should say if I suffer from same problem as you are suffering my situation will be same like you in fact you are more stronger than me and you can solve this problem I can feel what you are feeling right now. These small things can leave large impression on others instead of saying something which is bad you can say these simple lines.


4-How to change people?

Give the people an honest appreciation because they demand it but not say to you. If some person do any mistake don’t try to realize him or mistake directly do it indirectly .For instance if your employee do something wrong or do any work which is not according to your thought then you can say to him or her you have done right but if you do this task in that way and you tell him or her your plan then I assure you he will work again happily because you don’t disrespect him Or her in front of others.

And what you can do you can say to the mistake is not bigger which can’t be correct, it can easily correct with small effort. Some time you can also do mistake so you can also talk about your mistake instead of criticizing others. Here we can also apply the one habit from the seven habits of highly effective people which is first seek to be understand then to be understood. IF you think others only understand you and you don’t do anything and you don’t want to understand others then can never win friends.



Buy Now: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

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