“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”― John Gardner
Let me tell you the story of a girl. How she stopped feeling pity for her condition and became a successful professional lady later in her life. What she did? Let’s learn it in this story.
Ella was 12 when she suffered the road accident. She was coming back from school. As she was crossing the road, a speedy car hit her. She flew and fell a few feet away. Suddenly a heavy truck carrying luggage passed over her legs, crushing both her lower limbs. As soon as the incident happened, passengers passing by stopped and rushed to her. They took her to hospital as early as they could. But! It was too late now. Doctors did all they could to save Ella’s legs, so she can walk again. But alas! all the efforts were useless. Soon her parents came to see her. They were told that now Ella will have to spend her whole life in wheel chair.
After two days of formal medication, she was taken home. As she was the only daughter of her parents. This incident gave her mother a shock. Her daughter’s condition always kept her worried. Knowing that she can no more walk, set her on tears.
How Ella’s condition turned worst?
Ella’s parents decided that she will not go to school from now on. Because they thought that watching other kids healthy and herself handicapped, not able to play will give her more pain. Her mother left her job and stayed home for her care and homeschooling. She always pitied her. She often cried that why this happened to them only, cursed that day when Ella suffered that accident. Moreover, She thought life of her kid was a misery.
Ella felt herself helpless in this regard. She thought that she is a cursed child. She always spent time alone feeling bad for herself. At that time of her life, she thought that she is the most unlucky kid alive on Earth. This costed her, her mental peace. She could not eat properly. She even loss her interest in her studies. This added to her negative thoughts, and she started considering herself a failure.
One day, Ella’s mother discussed with her father what to do about her condition. She told him that she is not eating enough, nor studies and is always sitting alone in her room crying over her condition. They decided to take her to a therapist who will help her in getting better.
Next day, Ella’s father went to a psychologist and told him about his daughter’s condition. He also wept telling him that he don’t knows why this bad event happened to his daughter. Therapist calmed him and gave him appointment for checkup.
Result of Therapy
On the decided day, Ella’s parents took her to the psychologist. To her surprise, instead of greeting her with sympathy, the therapist met her happily. He told her that he has listened that Ella is a very intelligent girl. Despite that worst accident, she never failed her will to live. She defeated the truck, fought with it courageously and came back as a winner. Moreover, he praised that Ella is a strong girl. Instead of pitying her condition and showing sympathy, he gave her confidence in herself. Soon, Ella started getting better. Instead of staying quite, she now started to laugh often.
After a week of therapy, and on the suggestion of her therapist, Ella traveled to the mountain side. She enjoyed chair-lifts and made a v-log of her journey. She stated that she is a courageous girl whom no one can defeat, not even the monster truck who wanted to kill her. Later, she wrote a story telling how strong she is. Instead of staying in bed, she has traveled and enjoyed. Instead of showing off herself as a pitiable handicapped girl, she emerged as a strong girl. She has defeated death. And that nothing can stop her from winning any battle because she has already won many.
She joined school again and also defeated her fear of traffic. Her book got published as one of the most inspiring books. She gifted her friends the book. Instead of accepting apologies and sympathies, she came back to them as a successful writer.
Later she chose writing as her carrier. She wrote many books, all of which published and got a huge appraisal. She became a famous writer later in her life.
What changed Ella’s life?
Until that day, when her book got published, everyone sympathized Ella. Her mother thinking of her as a bad luck girl. This made Ella to think bad about herself. She self pitied her condition. Also she thought that she has suffered worst and she cannot overcome this. These sick thoughts lead to sick feelings and thus her overall performance deteriorated.
Instead of telling her that she has suffered a tragedy and that she has bad luck. The therapist told her what positive she had.
She told her that:
- If she was a girl with bad luck, she would have not survived that day.
- She lived because she is worthy of her life.
- Although her lower limbs can’t move she still can go places on her wheel chair.
- She can still think and write her thoughts on paper.
- There are so many people out there who cannot see the beauty of world but she can with her pretty eyes.
Ella practiced gratitude every day. Every night before going to bed, she wrote a gratitude journal. She wrote what new she has achieved that day. This practice and the power of her positive thoughts changed her life.
Stop feeling pity for yourself!
Self-pity thoughts can stop you from living your life to its fullest. It is a wastage of time to feel bad for yourself. It won’t move you closer to any solution for any problem. Self-pity awakens the negative thoughts and it becomes a hindrance in the way of success. It can become a self-fulfilling prognostication, leading to a pitiful life. When the all you have are negative and pitiful emotions, you cannot feel happiness and positivity of other emotions. You will start focusing only on bad and you will not be able to enjoy the happy moments of life. This can also interfere with your relationships because no one wants to listen your rants about how bad life is.
20 years in Lockdown
Listen to the story of Irfan in this video:
You can change your life!
You can change your life, just start behaving in a positive manner. Behave in a manner to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You can do this by helping someone, performing an act of kindness or by doing something active.
Today, start replacing self-pity thoughts with better and positive ones. Positively evaluate your condition, advice yourself as you would do to someone suffering as you are, think of past when you overcame a hard situation. Give yourself time and confidence to deal with problems of life.
Show some gratitude. Write a gratitude journal, say it out loud, ask others what things they are thankful to have.
From now, stop thinking that other people have better lives than you, they get more opportunities in life than you. Focus on what you have than what you don’t. This probably can change your life!